i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
porn star boner night. come get it.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
