You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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