is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
