My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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