then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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