Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
