We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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