i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
