So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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