I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My ass is underappreciated
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
