i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
