just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
