Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
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dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
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At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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