I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
