Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
