you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
