I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
