I just cut my nipple shaving
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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