i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
