You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
dude. I can hear the air.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
