I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
