I have demons in me.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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