Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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