I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
two words: eviction party
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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