I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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