Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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