And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
