The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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