Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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