the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
