Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
