do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
