Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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