haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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