hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
