Porn is love you can see.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
