why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
