He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize