i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
