Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
