There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
