Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
