just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
