why didn't you poke me back
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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