you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
