i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
