You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
