Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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