On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
And then he peed in my hair
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