girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
