I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
