The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Semen is not good for contacts.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize