well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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