the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We need to get me chipped asap
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
