wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
