i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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