how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
