I cockslap morals
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
