Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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