are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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