walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
