So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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