They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
