It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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