this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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