My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
there is glitter all over my balls
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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