No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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