u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
