Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
