hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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