I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
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this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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