just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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