Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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