Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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