Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
