Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
